|By Jesse Merkel |
This week a New York Times/CBS poll showed that President Barack Obama’s approval rating had sunk down from nearly 50% to 41% in one month. A Washington Post-ABC News poll also shows Obama’s disapproval number at a solid 50%. These and other polls have shown the president in an increasingly vulnerable position during his reelection campaign.
After seeing the news on Obama’s sagging poll numbers, all four of the remaining Republican candidates collectively decided that it was hopeless, and suspended their campaigns.
“I just don’t see how any of us can possibly beat President Obama,” said GOP frontrunner Mitt Romney. Romney went on to say that his worst fears were recognized when he saw a recent poll showing him beating Obama nationally, 48% to 43%. The sad-faced former Massachusetts governor later on was spotted skulking back onto his tour bus with a beer in his hand.
Former Pennsylvania Senator Rick Santorum, fresh off of his victories in Alabama and Mississippi, said that despite his recent gains, he has decided to get out for the good of the country. The dispirited Senator believed that he could no longer stand in the presidents way, especially after a new poll showed a majority of Americans now agreed with the idea that employers should be able to opt out of providing birth control coverage if they so chose.
“I could have worked for Planned Parenthood,” Santorum was overheard saying, as he and his wife boarded a plane for Tijuana, Mexico.
After suspending his campaign, former House Speaker Newt Gingrich announced several campaign appearances with Obama. Gingrich shooed reporters out of his hotel room, citing the need to hurry and write a few historical facts from 1834 into his next speech.
Texas Congressman Ron Paul, meanwhile, after suspending his campaign released a statement to the press announcing his immediate resignation from the House of Representatives.
“After seeing how a majority of people still want ObamaCare repealed, I know I just cannot continue to oppose President Obama," Paul said. “After speaking with the president, I understand the necessity of his health care law costing over $1.76 trillion dollars over 10 years. I also understand his policies regarding Iran and Libya as well, and he has my full support.” Paul later hinted after the cameras were turned off that he planed to submit his candidacy for the position of Fed Chairman.
All four of the former GOP candidates announced that they would be changing their party registration as soon as time permitted, for the good of the country. None of them could seem to recall how they ever could have opposed Obama in the first place.
Photo Credit: Gage Skidmore